Tohru's Life: A Parody
by P.S-Kyo rules
Summary: In Tohru's POV. What she thinks...Then there's a bunch of random chapters about our favorite Fruits Basket people...Yup. It's supposed to be funny and Random. So I tried, ok? Ok.
1. Akito Is SHMEXI

Ok. I'm making this fan fic and...yeah. I'm making 3 of this thing. This is 1 (Tohru's POV). The 2nd one is Akito's pov. The 3rd, is Yuki's POV. It's like an "inside the mind of..." thing Except it's all OOC and different... And yeah. And except they're all gonna be random.

* * *

Tohru--

So, today Shigure called me his flower again. I just totally smiled sweetly. When he walked away, I flicked him off...Then Yuki came in. I smiled and laughed at Shigure, but Yuki thought I was going crazy. So...yeah.

--

"Yuki."

"Yes?"Yuki asked.

"I hate you."

O.O

"Why?"he asked.

"Cuz you're just a bastard."

"But I LOVE YOU!!!!"Yuki answered

And so I walked away.

--

Yuki thinks I DON'T know he loves me? Damn, that boy is obvious...

--

So, Uo and I were walking in the park. This smexi guy came by and winked at us.

"Hey, Tohru. You should ttly yell out 'Hey Shmexi' like really loud."she told me.

So..."HEY SEXI!!!!!"I yelled. He turned around, and I noticed it was Akito. Oh crap! Damn damn damn.

He smiled, blew a kiss at me, and then skipped away. OMG Akito...Weird...So I smiled and yelled out again, "AKITO SOHMA IS THE SHMEXIEST BEING ON THIS PLANET!"

He turned again and smiled. He mouthed 'call me'. I laughed. Yeah right, he's so ugly.

Uo was saying how hot Akito was. I was scared.


	2. Hanaliscious

And, next chapter. This one's a lot different, ok? Ok. Yesh. Now I shall WRITE! With the power of my pen! Er...pencil. Er...Keyboard. Yup yup.

* * *

I totally wondered were Kyo went. Hm...Then I wondered if I care. Then, HE RAN INTO MY 2nd FLOOR WINDOW!!!!! Eek!

"Kyo what the hell!?"I screamed.

He stood up and brushed himself off and watched. "Good bye, my friend."

Shigure came in. "KYO!!!! You're back! MY LOVE!"

"No, MY love!"Kyo said back. Then they embraced and made out. Sooo...I shrugged and kept studying. Oh my god, they were loud. I wish they would shut up. "Hey guys. Go to Yuki's room and make out. I swear..."

They left. But then Yuki came in. "RAHHHHH!!!!! Teh me is here."

"Right."

--

So the next day, we're all at school...

"Damn rat, I'll kill you."said Yuki to Kyo.

"I'll kill you first damn cat!"Yuki screamed in reply.

Wait, what?

So anyway, me and Hana and Uo are sitting here, and me and Uo are fighting about Akito. So then Hana said loudly, "Hana-licious definition, makes Akito crazy!"

"Dude, Akito's ALREADY crazy."

Then Yuki's hot friend, Kakeru Manabe, you know him right? Well, he stood up on a table and said, "COWS FEED CHICKEN-MOOS!"

So everyone was all silent. So I said. "Your mom."

And he fainted. He really doesn't like his mom. Or his dad for that matter, so I re-winded it, and said, "Your face." instead...and everyone else fainted! Cuz, man, that boy's face is not something to joke about...-shiver-

So now I walked home, dragging Yuki and Kyo's fainted bodies. Damn it! They reallly need to lose some weight ok?

The End.

Or is it?

Dun.

Dun

DUN.

Don't you just hate Tohru for doing this to you?

You should stop reading now.

Cuz it's the end.

Of the world.

Or...IS IT?

No, really. Stop. Seriously. Ok, then.

I like squigglies!!!! YUM!


	3. DO NOT PRESS

Alright...So thank you for reviewing, my 1 reviewer...Yeah. The only one. Boo-hoo. Yup.

* * *

So, after I dragged them home, I wondered how to wake them up. Hum...  
"Ok! DUDES! Wake up."  
Kyo twitched. damn them all straight to the smelly pits of my Great Auntie Lisa! Eww! Which reminds me of this one thing Uo said one day...she said it. And it was FUNNNNNNYYYY!!!  
Anyway...So then I said, "Fire monkeys eat sleigh bells!"  
And they both woke up and gasped. Kyo was like, "Omg! THAT'S Where my sleigh bells went! RITSUUUU!!!!!!" Cuz, you know, Ritsu's a monkey. Yeah...  
Yuki asked me again why I hate him...I said cuz Your mom. Cuz his mom...IS AKITO!!!! But really it could be cuzzzzz Akito's like a weirdooo like that...  
"omg the dog crapped on my shoe!!!!"I screamed. "Bad Shigure, bad!" I hit him on the head wit a newspaper. His newspaper. He he he...  
So then we randomly skipped to Disney World. And I stood on a table like Manabe did, and I said. "Attention! Everybody, I have an announcement! It's something my friend Uo told me to pass on to the world!" This is what I was talking about...I looked over to where there was tis guy in a giant devil suit. "You! Mr. Devil! Uo says, TO HELL WITH THE DEVIL!!!! Woo-hoo!"  
So everyone was weird. Kyo sat on top of a waterfall and went down it...and when he got down...His swimming trunks were gone.  
Yup. So I took my cell phone and took a piccy of it and set it as my wall paper...And sent it to Akito!!! Ha ha...He'll be all like, "WTF???!?!!!" Yup...

---  
So, Shigure asked me how I could talk so long on the phone and who I could possibly be talking to. Cuz he says the bill is extremely outrageous...Soooo  
He was like, "Dude! Who could YOU be texting?!" So I answered, copying off that commercial with the old lady, "idk. My bff Akki?" And then I realized I blurted out that me and Akii were bffs! Eek!  
So I flipped open my cell phone, right there, and text ed him, saying I'm Sorry for telling!  
--  
Now, Shigure only has 4 toes...In all. 2 on each foot. -riiing- -riing- "Hello?" ... Ok. I was wrong. He has 2 toes...Akito cut the other foot off...Cool. No more pervy remarks about toes anymore! Awe-some!!!!  
So then I cooked dinner--foot stew. He liked it, until I told him he was eating his own foot. damn Canibal...

* * *

  
So now, Kyo will swim to America. And get me those cornflakes! YUM! Yummier than squiggleys! YAYYYYYY Squiggleys!  
What's your favorite letter? Mine's the squiggley!  
See I'll Show you.  
DO NOT PRESS.  
-Ahem- DO NOT PRESS  
...you pressed it again. Ok, punk, press it again!  
Yeah that's it come one. One more time...  
Again  
Do it.  
Okay, now you've had your fill. Stop clicking.  
You see, this is why we can't be friends  
You're just too selfish  
Grr!...now you've asked for it. dO nOt PrEsS tHe BuTtOn!!!  
You seem to be immune to my mind control  
Time for Plan B. Press it. You know you want to.  
--  
Ok guys. If you liked that preview, go to google and type in "do not press" and it's the first one on there...K? Or yahoo or what ev. K? Whatever makes you happy. Or Sad. Or any emotion you like. Or dislike. Anywaaayyy--I don't own the button. I'm just a fan. I mean, who wouldn't be? It's HILARIOUS!!! Ha ha...  
Squiggleys!!!!!!  
Bye  
Elephants never forget  
I shot a man for being in limbo...  
Or was he DOING the limbo...? Hummmm...  
What Ev.  
The End.  
Your dead! D-E-D--DEAD! OK?!!!!?? I killed you! Hell even exploded. Remember? My god, with the short-term memory loss!  
You blew up the whole world. What would your mother say? Ask her...ASK HER RIGHT NOW!!!! OK!!!!!!  
DO NOT PRESS.

P.S- I don't have a Great Antie Lisa...The closest thing to it, is my Aunt Leslie. Now ask you mom. Or your face. Which ever...


End file.
